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  post #31  
Old 06-10-2011, 11:25 AM
jjpope1 jjpope1 is offline
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Thank you for what you your husband and family do for me and my family!!! I will remember to keep you in my prayers!! things get crazy sometimes, esp at the wrong times!! i havent been in your shoes, but i think i would start with making a list of things that your husband can help you take care of now while he is still home and he can run out and get needed things and check it off as he goes. hopefully as the other people have said that they might have different programs on base to help with care, support, etc after your husband leaves. and i know there are probably other women in the same boat as you, so maybe you can get hooked up with a great circle of women that understand and feel as you do and yall can be each others support as your spouces are away!!! i hope everything works out for you and your family and lil one coming!!! stay strong and know all around the world that there are people lifting you up, supporting you, and BELIEVE IN YOU!!! keep us posted on how things are!
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  post #32  
Old 06-10-2011, 11:31 AM
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She said she is stationed in Oahu, HI

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  post #33  
Old 06-10-2011, 12:15 PM
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(((((((HUGS)))))) Please do not worry about the school stuff. One thing about schools that deal with military kids, as they in my experiance are very understanding on those things. Do not be afraid to ask for help from those around you. Have your Dh give you a list of those he trust to help you before he leaves as well as Base Services availiable to you. Talk to them now and get some options in place if you need them once he is away. I was high risk with our son and DH was deployed all but one month total of my pregnany and I was in and out of hospital and was so scared but shocked when I had folks I didn't know take shifts taking me to and from Drs, and cleaning my house, cooking meals and helping with my two smaller ones. i had no family that was able to come and help. It was uncomfortable for me at first with my control issues and things but they were a blessing and all it took was one sweet neighbor learning of my problems and the help just appeared. TAke the help when offered and when not offered and you need it ask.
You can email me at anytime day or night if you need to vent. I may not can do much to help but I know that at times just getting it all out to someone who isnt going to judge can help a bit. Just slow down, take things one day at a time and try not to worry over things that may not happen. Easier said than done when you have deployments coming and your mind automaticly goes to the what ifs, I know. Try to get as much in place before he leaves.

Military wife and mom
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  post #34  
Old 06-10-2011, 01:02 PM
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contact the frg--let them know the situation. We had lots of emergencies happen during deployments and during field exercises. The wives of the frg took shifts and helped out and/or brought meals by. You have to put yourself out there, though, for people to know you need help. It's not easy to do this--we're tough and think we always need to have it all together--hahaha!

Also, call the school--and get the required mtgs/assessments done beforehand. If you explain the situation--I would *hope* they could work with you now--so you don't have to worry about all those things once the new baby is here. Or perhaps they can delay the mtgs, if necessary.

I'm sorry about all this craziness right at the same time hubby is leaving. :P The military doesn't plan things very well, right?! They should have known you were pregnant and needed your hubby home now! hahaha! You are amazing--and you WILL make it through this craziness!!!! Best wishes!!!
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  post #35  
Old 06-10-2011, 01:24 PM
tripletmom04 tripletmom04 is offline
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My husband recently retired from the Marine Corps in December after 20 years of service. We have 5 kids. He was not there for the birth of our first two children, and was only present for our triplets because, well, they were triplets. His command shifted him from one shop to another twice to miss deployments because there was no way I could be alone pregnant with triplets, bed ridden with two other children as well. If it were a singleton like yourself I would have been on my own yet again. It stinks!

Hubby was sent to combat when my triplets were 4 months old. He was able to come back advance party which made him gone 6.5 months rather than the 7. It was hell with everything I had to do with 5 kids. It was over the summer but school was still in when he left and was back in session when he came back. We had no vehicle to fit the triplets in when he left so I friend had to come over and take one every time we went for weekly doctor visits since they were preemies. Finally, some friends stations in SC (we were stationed in NC) had to sell their older van as they were being shipped to Japan. They sold it to me for what they owed on it so they were out of debt and I'd have a vehicle for all the triplets and other kids too.

I had the one friend in town who was young enough to be my daughter. She had a son a year older than my triplets and her husband was overseas as well with the Navy. But she wasn't always available to help except with rides to the doctor before I got the van.

I'm not sure which branch you're with but the Marine Corps and Navy has Navy Relief. There may be something similar with your branch if it's different. Call and see who they can direct you to for help. Call the area hospitals, all of them, for programs and volunteers for help. Call any and all area churches even if you do not belong to them and ask for volunteers to help out. There's usually a woman's group at most churches who help the community for such these reasons. Call the area VFW, American Legion and other military affiliated groups who can point you in a good direction for help. If your husband is still home he needs to help in making these calls. I know he's busy with work ups but this needs to be a priority.

Sit down and write a list of what kind of help you will really need, in order of priority. Babysitting? Rides? Food? Be proactive and this will definitely lower your stress level as you talk with people for help, but don't get frustrated. You are not alone. You just need to find the help that you need. It is out there. Sometimes it's harder to find but it is there.

Be sure that your husband's command is fully aware of your situation. The wives, usually run by the commander's wife, is suppose to support the other wives in need. We have Key Wives with the Corps. Not sure if it's called the same or something else in other branches. It's usually hit or miss with Key Wife support. Actually, I think they've changed the name yet again. I forget the new name. Anyway, sometimes they're helpful and sometimes they're totally useless, like when my husband was gone when I had triplets. They were very cliquish and promised my husband and me that they'd be there for me and help. they were not, ever. They were actually more concerned with themselves and their own little get togethers, unfortunately. But they're not all like that. Check them out, be sure they're aware and I hope they're a good bunch to offer some help. Be sure they have your email address and you have theirs, and be sure they're swapping phone numbers. Don't hesitate to email or call them, ever!

Good luck and drop a line when you can!

Karen B
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  post #36  
Old 06-10-2011, 01:41 PM
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Gosh! Your post sure brought back some memories! I too have felt very isolated and overwhelmed as a military wife. (Retired) During the first Gulf War....I was stuck in a German hospital for the last month of my pregnancy and my two year old son was being taken care of by strangers since my husband was deployed and unable to return. It can be very overwhelming. Just take care of yourself and give yourself a break. So, who cares if you don't get every item on a supply list! Your child's teacher will understand your situation. Keep talking to everyone and utilize as many of the base resources that you can. We'll be here for ya
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Old 06-10-2011, 02:52 PM
LorieK LorieK is offline
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Advice from my friend:

[T]here should be a Social Work Services employee assigned to Ob-Gyn or L&D. I don't know that they provide help in a situation like this but they should at least be able to provide some resources for her to check out.

Also, her husband should make his First Sergeant aware of the situation. The Shirt can have the key spouse (or whatever their service calls it), Commander's wife, etc., on stand-by just in case. In most cases, especially when deployment is involved, the Command will step up and fill in the gaps.
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Old 06-10-2011, 06:01 PM
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Thank you everyone. im totally blown away by all the wonderful advise, words of wisdom and incouragement. I really appriciate it.

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Old 06-10-2011, 06:18 PM
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I hope your a church member. Please contact your pastor and he/she should be able to get yo some help. I hope everything works out for you.
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Old 06-11-2011, 01:06 PM
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First of all CONGRATS!!! secondly, (((HUGS))) ..... to alleviate one fear a planned c-section is actually pretty easy. First few days after aren't fun but good pain med in the hospital will help with that. After the first few days its more of an achy or sore feeling near the scar (which btw for a first c-section isn't too bad.

My suggestion for the school supplies in your case would be to just bite the bullet and get them now, so its off your to-do list. Yes it will be a little bit higher cost BUT because we are avid couponers we can afford it. I know it goes against our grain as a couponer but sometimes things happen beyond our control. Staples in our area even has a cool service where if you tell them what school and what grade they will box or bag everything needed for the student ahead of time for you, and you just pay for the contents! If that isn't offered in your area -- ASK. This is why I coupon and shop sales most of the time quite frankly. So when something like this comes up and is unavoidable I can just deal with it and not feel overly guilty. Its ok to pay full price sometimes (when its unavoidable anyway, LOL), and bonding with baby is more important then school supplies at a discount!

If there is a mom's group on base, ask around for help with babysitting or errands. Yes these moms are all in the same boat so you should all be sticking together. You can offer to watch one of their children while they do the shopping or vice-versa, or everyone can go together. After a c-section you may not be able to drive for about 2-4 weeks but you can walk and shop, just don't lift anything heavier then baby, and take it easy. Yes there are other moms in the same boat and you should make the effort now to pair up and have a buddy system. My friends and I take turns cooking double batches of dinners and then only have to cook every other night. You can also do freezer meals this way too. Take turns hosting a cooking day for 2-3 (or more) moms while the kids have a playdate. Everybody brings ingredients & what they need for 2-3 dishes that can be reheated or frozen easily (& disposable pans or conatiners (think gladware or pre-gladware sour cream containers or margarine containers), if that isn't eco-friendly enough make sure to specify rules on returning platters and casserole dishes. Tin foil pans are cheap enough at the dollar store and work well and mean less cleanup. Some people even wash and reuse them a few times.


ok for the school, call the principal and the teacher and let them know your predicament and ask to come in to get all of the pertinent information now, and if anything changes could they send a packet of information home for you. also ask if another family member or apointee can attend in your place. If all else fails and you cannot get a ride, someone to watch the kids, or an exception made (I bet you will be surprised on these fronts, not trying to scare you), then pack up everyone and take a taxicab if you are unable to drive. It would be an inconvience and expense but at least you would be attending. I seriously doubt it will come down to such extreme measures. As anxiety-ridden as your summer will be -- it will be fun too and you will find out who your friends are! I bet you will find out there are more friends out there then you realize but you just have to ask -- I would start asking now, way in advance for the help you need. even moms with deployed spouses can sometimes help with planning. If you start making contingency plans now it will all fall into place. I am a single mom and sometimes I have to start planning weeks in advance for something, and it takes forever to fall into place but it usually does.
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