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Old 01-03-2013, 10:39 AM
pumpkngabby pumpkngabby is offline
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Okay so I am 24 yrs old and have 4 beautiful kids and my hubby we been together now 3 yrs. I have (3) from the previous and my youngest with hubby. Okay hubby is older than me and my DD wasn't planned I had the Mirena but still got pregnant and I don't believe in abortions so we had to make changes. So before I got with hubby I was with my ex and 3 other kids I worked and the ex was no good for nothing. So after leaving that I got with hubby and the tables have turned he now works and I stay home. This is still taking so getting use to because I have worked and been independent since I was 14 yrs old. Well he did help me go to school for a Medical Administrative Assistant and I am glad for that. Well hubby has older kids that are my age and they don't call him or come around. Mind you he raised them on his own mom was MIA and now they would rather spend time with her then call him or come over so he gets upset. So yesterday he said I don't know what is happening with them maybe they are jealous of you because I give you all the attention. I am not a very talkative person and do admit when they come over I don't speak but hi and bye and keep to myself. What can I do to see if I'm the problem or what can be done to help this situation. Hubby says he is happy and wouldn't change that for no one and so am I so we both are clear there. Plz any ideas is appreciated..
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  post #2  
Old 01-03-2013, 10:43 AM
Roxykitty Roxykitty is offline
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Let them come to you in their own time. Respect them as his children, and treat them kindly when they visit, they will come around.
Focus on your own children. I have no experience in this type of situation, but that would be my focus.
Hope things take a turn for the better soon.

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Old 01-03-2013, 10:45 AM
proctor78 proctor78 is offline
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To be honest you really need to come out of your shell and engage his children I would not come around either if my step mom only said hi and bye.. If you do that they might come around more..
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Old 01-03-2013, 10:48 AM
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My 2 cents-probably only worth a penny these days

Invite them for dinner-make it simple like burgers or maybe spaghetti. But make the first move. They feel they have lost their dad to you and you need to help them understand they haven't lost him-they just gained a friend in you. With you only saying hi and bye they probably feel like you don't want them around or that they are not welcome in your home. Never bad mouth their mom to them no matter how bad that situation is.

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Old 01-03-2013, 10:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by proctor78
To be honest you really need to come out of your shell and engage his children I would not come around either if my step mom only said hi and bye.. If you do that they might come around more..
I agree... U need to engage them... Make the first move. Maybe host a family dinner and make a day out of it.

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Old 01-03-2013, 11:00 AM
pumpkngabby pumpkngabby is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by proctor78
To be honest you really need to come out of your shell and engage his children I would not come around either if my step mom only said hi and bye.. If you do that they might come around more..
Yes I agree I do need to come out a bit. There is just really nothing to have a. conversation about when they come they watch YouTube on my tv and laugh about things that aren't really funny. ( well to me at least) but I will try this anyhow. His daughter doesn't work and just left her husband has 2 kids so offered to help here coupon but she doesn't want to do that except when she needs something they just come and pull from the stock and think its okay. That's the only time they come when they need a hand.
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Old 01-03-2013, 11:02 AM
pumpkngabby pumpkngabby is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NancyE
My 2 cents-probably only worth a penny these days

Invite them for dinner-make it simple like burgers or maybe spaghetti. But make the first move. They feel they have lost their dad to you and you need to help them understand they haven't lost him-they just gained a friend in you. With you only saying hi and bye they probably feel like you don't want them around or that they are not welcome in your home. Never bad mouth their mom to them no matter how bad that situation is.

.
We have made plans for them to have dinner but no show. We have even taken his daughter and kids to the movies that went well. I don't mention the mother at all because do told hubby that's the past let just focus on the future.
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Old 01-03-2013, 11:20 AM
i_heart_coupons i_heart_coupons is offline
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It sounds like you are trying. It will take time for them to see that you are there to stay. I watched a loved one go through something similar. Kids can get gun-shy so to speak and don't want to get close to people that they aren't sure are going to stick around. Just be nice and encourage your husband to call them and spend time with them on his own sometimes too. It will take time for them to relax around you. I would say personally don't mother them if you are their age - that would be weird to me. I know you are a mother and sometimes it's hard to turn that off.
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Old 01-03-2013, 11:22 AM
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If they have kids of their own maybe go to pump it up. Make it a day for the children. Then the adults can talk.

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Old 01-03-2013, 11:23 AM
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Tred lightly, Dont be pushy but dont give up. They need time to get to know you and see u r not a threat. Spend time with them even if they r only watching youtube
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