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Old 01-25-2013, 08:02 PM
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Default Adult children

I have posted about my eldest's bad behavior before; but I swear she has reached an all time low. She is 19 & in college. When she left our house she had to have the most expensive apartment she could find, wouldn't take offers of hand me down furniture (had to buy brand new). We all tried to tell her she was over extending herself. For our trouble we were screamed at and told to leave her alone.

Well now 6 months later she is so deeply in debt and underwater, that when her pay checks come they are gone due to her hugely overdrawn bank account. My DH and I have learned our lesson about loaning her money. She is never grateful, and only abusive when it isn't as much as she wanted. My parents however have given her $$ time and again. She repays them by calling my mom a ***** when my mother even dares to ask how her finances are coming.

She ruined Christmas day by letting everyone know that she hated their gifts. (my mother was due to have surgery the next day, and really didn't need the stress).

Well last night she called me asking for money to go on a trip from Ohio to New Orleans. Well of course I said no, so she let me know that she tells everyone that her mother is dead because I am such an embarrassment to her. She let me know that I am a failure because I "can't" just hand her money. She laid out every insult she could think of.

I am just at a loss. I have 2 younger children who are very impressionable. I do not want them to see this behavior. What do you do when you can't stand the person your child is as an adult?

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Old 01-25-2013, 09:39 PM
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As hard as it maybe let her be an adult and not a child any more as adults we have to deal with our own problems mommy and daddy don't fix them anymore it is hard but it will also show the others that mistreatment an disrespect are not acceptable you may even want to explain to the younger ones what is unacceptable and why you are no longer tolerating or helping their sister with her $$ problems
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Old 01-25-2013, 09:49 PM
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It is time to "cut your losses" with her. She made her bed, now let her lie in it. Do NOT give her any more money and tell your mother not to either. If your daughter loses everything, then it is all on her and not you. She needs to grow up and face reality. You are not the bank and she is now a legal adult and she will have to face that fact.
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Old 01-25-2013, 09:53 PM
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My step son is 17 going on 27 or so he thinks. He recently dropped out of school. My DH and I have a three year old. My DH decided that he had to cut his son out of his (and our life for now). His son is like your daughter, very disrespectful and ungrateful. He has decided that his son has got to fail in life before he can grow up. Not judging or criticizing anyone. This was not easy decision for him. However, we do not want our daughter thinking that behavior is okay, either. I'm sorry for you.


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Old 01-25-2013, 10:00 PM
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I am so sorry that your daughter is like this. Not to cause any more hurt or sad emotions on you, but some people are just this way. I had a few class mates in high school that were this way. They literally had to hit rock bottom before they even tried to straighten there act up.

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Old 01-25-2013, 10:15 PM
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That is so sad! I think as a nation we have given, given, and given to our children out of joy, fear, guilt, love, and desire to let them have more than we did. We've created some unappreciative kids who feel we should always let them have their way. I really don't know what to say, as my kids aren't there yet-but I do know that maybe it's time to cut some of the expectations for things like toys and movies, which mine ask for a lot.

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Old 01-25-2013, 10:18 PM
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I have no advice to give because I am not a parent, but I am a daughter and I would never speak to my mother this way! I am so sorry you are going thru this, I can offer no advice but I can offer prayers, best wishes and happy thoughts. Oh and an alibi, lol.
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Old 01-25-2013, 10:45 PM
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I would cut her off. I wouldn't take her calls as I would not want to be abused by a teen. You do not have to deal with anything give her a couple of years and see what happens. Good luck

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Old 01-26-2013, 12:26 AM
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Thank you so much for all of your kind words. I even went as far as to ask a co-worker to let her rent a room in her house for far cheaper than the apartment. I thought the co-worker would be good for my daughter. She is in her mid twentys, no kids, has her head on straight...but so far none of that has rubbed off on my daughter.

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Old 01-26-2013, 12:42 AM
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I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I was tough on my parents as a young teenager, and thought they knew nothing. Now, 20 years later I dont know what I would do without them. You cannot control your daughter only yourself. You can only control your reaction to her. Sounds like its time for some tough love......

Do not let her insult you. You stop this by removing yourself from the situation. If your on the phone say "I'm hanging up now". If your in person walk away. Reinforce the respect your younger kids have for you be respecting yourself and not allowing yourself to be subject to her abusive behavior.

Hopefully she will grow up and come around. If it takes a while, you are protecting yourself and your younger kids right now. As hard as it is, don't run around fixing things for her. Let her do it on her own for now!

Hugs, I know its easier said then done!
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