Background: All my family lives in germany- I have a halfsister and halfbrother from my dads first marriage. his exwife cheated on him and put him through hell. so he met my mom and married and had my brother and me. my oldest hb is 40 hs is 38 and i'm he younest at early 30. my hb is very succesful makes good money so does my real brother. my sister had a screwed up life so far all by her own doing. at 25 she decided to go to college for 10 years in a dead field (paleontology) then fights with her prof, and in the end cannot find a job in her field. she refused any other job and went on ss for 3 years. my parents ended up paying her student loan off. my mom found her a program for unemployed college grads and she finally gets a doctorate at a collage. she never thanked my mom. my parents give her their old but decent car-all she does is complain and only thank my dad. she had to keep her old studio apartment because the doctorate is 6m probation. thats $200/m she has to pay, she picked a nice place for $$$ to live while she does her doc, then decided to move to campus but had to finish lease at the other place. now she has to pay 3 rents!

SO xmas she drove home, detoured to see her best friend 4h each way then beg my parents for money because she is out again. and the car is crappy and worthless. she also drove to my cousins house to beg for $$ who did not give any. my parents are done emotionally. they have the money but she expects it because she comes from a broken home. i feel so bad for my dad who never did anything but support us and she is laying a guilttrip on him. her brother treats her with gloves- when my dad had pneumonia last year he (brother) did not want to tell her, always protecting her- when i told her dad is sick i think she called maybe once. i am so tired of this, what can i do to help my parents? they are getting old-daddy will be 70 and sister is acting like a 6 year old.

fyi: gas is 4x what we pay here

I'm sorry, I don't think there is much you can do. I have a sister like that. My parents had to make the decision to cut her off themselves. They finally realized she was eating into all their retirement money. Maybe approach them that way, 'don't you want to travel and do things with your retirement'? After they did a few years ago, she basically stopped speaking to everyone. I hear from her on birthdays and holidays. Some people are just selfish and don't care how they affect other people.

Valerie, wife to Petemommy to EmmaLaila and Abigail

i was afraid of that. my dad was accoused of beating the kids when she was 3 by his cheating ex and did not get to see the kids for years. i know it hurt him alot and it put him in this position, he is too afaid too lose her.

I think that is why it went on for so long with my parents as well. She is also my Dad's from a previous marriage. His ex ran away with her because she owed gambling debts. We didn't see her again for 12 or so years when she ran into my cousin in a store and they recognized each other.

Valerie, wife to Petemommy to EmmaLaila and Abigail

I had an aunt that did the same thing to her mother who was a few years older than your father at the time. She used the mom as a money pit, used her charge cards without her knowing/charging hundreds of dollars over what the mom approved, and treated her like dirt (long story short). When the mother finally went crying to the other kids and told them the full extent of what was going on, they rose up against her.

Her sister told my aunt that she was the mother's POA and that all monetary decisions concerning the mother had to go through her. She told my aunt that if she even wanted to borrow a penny from their mother, she had to come and ask her. My aunt tried to say that they needed to mind their own business, and that was personal between her and her mother. They all sternly reminded her that when it came to their mother, she had no personal business because while she was begging around and ruining the mother's credit, they were the ones taking care of her financially, emotionally while she was making herself sick over this, and on an everyday basis in general while she contributed nothing. She was embarrassed at everyone knowing what she'd done more than she was mad at them.

I would say that you, your parents, and brother should do something similar. I would have a one on one with her. Give her concrete examples of what you don't like her doing to your parents. Tell her what it's doing to them, and how she's eating into your parents retirement money. You're not going to let your parents suffer while she's abusing their kindness. Your parents also have to be willing to stop giving her money.

It's best if all of you are united on this, your parents and brother included so she can't play the "it's none of your business...you're the only one that feels that way" game. Trust me, if you talk to her one on one, she'll call other people looking for support against everything you've told her, and support against you. Your brother will probably be the first call. Get to all of those people first. Have talks with them first and tell them what you plan to do and that you need them to stand with you, not against you. She's 38, the last thing you want is for her to be doing the same thing at 48.

This is an eye opener for me as I have an adult child that would do me the same if I allowed it. It is really hard on your parents I know. I hav one that goes from one crisis to the next and the other if they do I dont hear about it. I blackslide occasionally but I know in the end the BEST way I can show my love is to let my kids fend for themselves.

working my magic on very little money

Although not blood related, I watch/hear my sister in laws doing this to my father in law. The use him as a money pit/free babysitter. (The poor guy recently had his wife of 30 years leave him (MIL) and is on disability, not exactly a huge income.)

Its heartbreaking to watch and my husband wants to help his dad, but we really cant help him, when he wont help himself and acts like a doormat to the girls.

Tell her to put on her big girl pants and deal with reality. At her age she will probably not change but just live her for who she is your parents will get tired of it and quit handing her money all the time.

She just needs to be cut off from any more money from anyone. This way she has to stand on her own two feet and get a life. She is simply refusing to grow up and do things herself. And why should she when everything is handed to her like she is six years old. Once cut off, she will have no choice but to act her age, get a job, and do for herself.